I know it's not good. There's valid reasons that the gender divide of today exists but I don't know how to be part of the solution when I'm filled with hatred.

I don't identify with incel culture

To be perfectly frank, I'm too old to be an incel. I can imagine what it would be like to struggle with those kinds of feelings if I was born in this generation but it just wasn't like this when I was younger. I had plenty of healthy interaction with women growing up. I had good relationships. I had bad relationships. The truecel wizards would ban me from their imageboards for being a fakecel if I even tried to claim that. If anything I am on the asexual spectrum, especially now that I'm pushing 40. There just isn't a strong urge at all to have romance anymore. And that doesn't come with bitterness. It's more of a, "been there, done that", kind of feeling.

but I am bitter

While I don't want relationships with women, I do think lowly of them in ways I didn't used to. I don't want them in my friend groups. I don't want them in my workplace. I don't want to listen to them talk at my church. I don't want to hear about their feelings or their opinions. I don't want them to be my political candidates. In short, I like them best when they shut the fuck up and don't ruin everything.

But I'm also self aware enough to realize it's not supposed to be this way. Men and women are supposed to support each other. They're supposed to want each others partnership.

The way I am is wrong.

I can acknowledge that and it's still there.

I don't know what to do about it.

I probably have to just try harder to interact with women

Again, I'm not talking about trying to fuck them. I'm talking about giving them the benefit of the doubt, not avoiding them, not shutting down the moment they try to interact.

I really have to make a conscious effort to change this. Not every woman is the world's most annoying feminist, and even if she seems like she is at first, maybe she has redeeming qualities anyway. Maybe she's just going through the inverse feelings that I'm having. There has to be women out there who feel the same way and they're just as frustrated by this. Men are not supposed to hate women and women are not supposed to hate men.